Transform Regret into Self-Forgiveness 2023
A Guide to Nonviolent Communication
Understanding Needs Through NVC and the Tarot for Better Communication Skills & Relationship Balance
Use Non-violent Communication & Tarot to better understand yourself
Being in relationships can be complicated. You know that eventually someone will say something to hurt your feelings. Instead of becoming defensive or shutting down, you may find it helpful to take the time to understand what need is not going met, which is causing you to express yourself using hurtful language.
Regret is a common feeling you have when your NEEDS are not met
Regret:
Regret defined with Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a feeling that arises when someone said or did something that is not in alignment with our values or needs. Regret is often accompanied by a sense of heartbreak, defeated, or even remorse. There is a way utilizing a a different choice get our needs met more effectively.
Regret doesn’t have to be a form of self-punishment, but rather you can take this opportunity to reflect on what need was going unmet and find a way to communicate more effectively, which leads to personal growth. Essentially we learn from our choices therefore, making conscious decisions in the future which are more in-line with our values and needs in a non-violent way will lead to growth and fulfillment.
In tarot, the card that represents regret, grief, loss and pain, is the Five of Cups.
In this tarot card you will see a cloaked figure who has withdrawn into isolation with his head hung low, looking down at three spilled cups, often forgetting that there are still two full cups that are not in sight.
This reminds us that we are not alone, its is okay to feel a loss or regret but that after a time, this too shall pass. We must eventually move on from our past experiences, accept what we can not change and concentrate on healing.
Mourning: Regret, loss, pain
Ask yourself, “what need of mine is being expressed with judgement”.
Fully connect with the feelings and unmet needs that sparked the action that we now regret
Example: I screwed up again.
this could be the feeling of disappointment, grief, and regret
Regret can help us learn from our choices and actions without blaming or punishing ourselves. We see how our behavior was not in alignment with our values and needs. Then we follow up with a process of mourning and self-forgiveness. Take a look at that part of yourself and ask yourself “what need of mine was trying to be met, when I behaved this way, which I now regret”.
When you connect with yourself empathically, you will know which need was not met, and are then able to recognize how that choice fell short to meeting your need. Being compassionate with yourself, will open up the possibility to embrace all parts of yourself and recognize the needs and values.
You must connect with the need you were trying to meet, and empathically connect with yourself to find self-forgiveness.
Its important to take action out of a desire to contribute to our highest good rather than out of guild, shame and obligation.
With every choice you make, it is important to reflect on what need it serves.
You will want to start expressing yourself with this statement:
“I choose to ……. because I want….
It's important to remember that these needs are universal and can be met by anyone, not just you. So if you can't meet a particular need, it's okay to help your partner find other ways to get it met.
It's also important to recognize that this goes both ways. If you say something that causes a disconnect, it's important to ask yourself what your need really is and communicate it in a nonviolent way.
In summary, using nonviolent communication helps you better understand your needs and your partner's needs in order to strengthen your connection. Listen with empathy, focus on the universal need behind the message, and be open to finding new ways to meet those needs.
What are your languages of Love?
If you don’t know your love language, here is a link to my other blog post
Book your Tarot Reading Session with Traci Moon Now.